Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
