im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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