Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
