i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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