Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
More tranny stories later!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
