I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What a dumb baby whore.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
