and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
50% drunk capacity currently
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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