I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
