I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
