A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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