The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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