i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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