you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
