We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
