I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
