he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
