so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
