Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
