Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
