Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
