We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
