I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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