they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
