I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
