You work out of a Hotel?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
