trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
