i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
