I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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