Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
