I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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