Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
