Got a toothbrush?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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