My brain says no but my pants say off.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
