you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I didn't notice because vodka
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
