I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
