My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just want to make out with him forever
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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