do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
