Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
