Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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