You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
