So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
