whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
