she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
