Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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