South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
