In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
