I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
