Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
