Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
