My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
