youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
