We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
