I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
