if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
is that a dick in a sweater?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
