Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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