Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
