happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
