my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
