jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
