You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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