That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
